Thursday, September 26, 2013

Dear Bravo, Dear Viewer: Season Five and How Teresa Can Save her ass in Court.

Season 5 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey?  It sucked. It's FAKE. FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE. And yet I hate-watched every episode, and will watch the stupid 90 minute finale. (what the hell is wrong with me? Even Bravo Andy admitted that he skipped the last episode to watch The Emmys with NPH. ).

In case anyone doesn't get this, Google, "frankenbytes"-(how they splice and edit to make characters say anything they want....and the timeline for this season has been so transparently screwed-with, (cast went to Arizona in March  AFTER the stuff in the last few episodes like the "Penny"-crap.

Teresa and Joe in a car-ride saying something like, "When we went to Arizona"----but (supposedly), on the way to this "everyone hates Penny event" that happened in January which we all know because an assault led to Real court charges? UH-no. Just NOT.Changing the events of TIME is not reality in this dimension.

Yeah--so Bravo isn't even TRYING to be "real".

WHY? One of my theories is that Bravo is tired of dealing-with trouble with "the law" for their network and their cast-members? So maybe Bravo has embraced the "we are really fake", to throw off those who would examine things closely? Are they tired of the scrutiny? Other fake reality shows don't get it as bad because other "reality" shows have been more honest about; "yeah-we're not really "reality" so hop off ! ".

In any event-it stinks. All that is left is to look at their ugly mugs, and last year's clothes. Eventually, I predict that reality actors like The Housewives, will receive a class-action settlement. Because they DO improvise many of their lines, and they are not being given writing credit or pay for that.


PART TWO: The Real Stuff

Meanwhile there have been some interesting things going-on for Real Housewives of New Jersey cast members in their real-real lives. Like the indictments on Teresa and Joe Giudice.

1)-There is a reason why certain forms of credit got the name, "liar loans", and that was before anyone ever heard of Teresa & Joe. What I'm about to divulge is really a GIFT to Teresa, and I'm ambivalent about offering credible defense to someone who blew ELEVEN MILLION DOLLARS on HERSELF basically.

Where do you and I get OUR $11,000000? And would we spend it on WORTHLESS designer, expensive CRAP for ourselves? I know that I wouldn't. OK-maybe a little, but the rest of it goes straight to WORLD PEACE! And feeding hungry people. And rescuing cats. (insert your favorite charity here).

Well Teresa, I have news for you, spending all that $$ didn't make you look classy at all. What did redeem Teresa, a little, was her hustle, and her individual style of doing it. She got out there and worked-it! Was it the redemption plot that I personally wanted to see? No. But I can't hold that against them.
I wanted to see them move into the pizza-parlor, and spend within their means-(which were negative eleven million), and deal with THAT. Maybe I should just hang it up and watch Trailer Park Boys on Netflix instead?

OK, so here it is, about Teresa being accused of signing false documents that stated that she was working when SHE WAS NOT WORKING in 2008?

HOLD UP HERE BITCHES. IF Teresa is found GUILTY of this, this affects us ALL. 

As a matter of fact, I personally REFUSED to sign my own TAX-RETURNS in around 2008, because my accountant had ERRONEOUSLY listed MY occupation as, "HOUSEWIFE"! I made him change it to "HOMEMAKER". THAT is the crux of my legal argument here.
Can YOU afford to let the law say that Teresa Didn't WORK?

HOW could Teresa NOT have been WORKING? She was a HOMEMAKER, wasn't she? She was also having babies and taking care of them during the years that she is being accused-of NOT WORKING. (are you guys starting to follow my logic here? I sure HOPE so for HOMEMAKERS everywhere sake).

So, maybe there was a mistake on those W2s that listed, "M.E. Industries", as Teresa's employer? Personally, I call my HOMEMAKING business "My Homemaking company", and deduct and I PAY MYSELF WHAT I'M WORTH accordingly. Its all very correct and very legal and WE DESERVE TO BE PAID FOR OUR WORK DON'T WE?

If you said "no"---stop. Go read "Smelly Melly"-Melissa Gorga's new book which needs to be recalled and SHREDDED! I guess they can't afford a good publicist, because instead-of addressing the BOMBSHELL that was dropped on them by Jezebel about pig,telling people that when a woman says "NO"--to just rape her, instead-of some plausible lie, like someone hacked my book, they are creating new eggs on Twitter to annoy people who complain.-there is no good way to end this post, it all just makes me MAD. Thanks for reading it♥